I was born in Kuala Lumpur but I spent my early years in Muar before I left for England at the young age of 4. In Muar, my family stayed in a lovely detached house with a wide area of lawn, just opposite the VIP Guest House of Muar. I used to have a nanny. My brother, sister and I, know her as Mak Lus, though I called her Mak. She used to live in the VIP grounds, in a little one bedroom and living room house with an extended kitchen area and toilet made from loose tin roofing, planks of wood and do-it-yourself concrete floors. She used to work as the caretaker of the VIP house and she looked after kids in her spare time.
She is quite well known in Muar. She took care of a number of children and I was her last.
So everyday I used to spend most of my time at her place and at the VIP grounds. I used to picnic and play under a big shady tree, be on the look out for biawaks haha, play with the cats that Mak lus took in and fed, I would sit in the front basket of Mak Lus's motorcycle as we rode to my favourite tuck shop and bought sweets that would make my tongue turn blue, I would play with the neighbour's kids and other kids that Mak Lus took care of before me, I would wrestle with boys, I would have breakfast at the corner shop ordering my usual roti canai and milo tarik and I would spend some of my evenings exploring Tanjung Emas which is just a five minute walk from the house; I would gorge down ice-cream, play the swings and slides, feed the monkeys and I'd occasionally act brave and try the stepping stones.
To be honest, the memories were quite vague and blurry in my head but when I saw old pictures and I heard the stories my elders and the Muar community told me, the images in my head were reinforced and became clearer. Now, when I think back to those times, the smile it puts on my face and the kiddy joy I feel inside is comforting =)
Though, this perspective didn't come to me straight away.
When I returned to Malaysia in 2001, it was really scary and a challenge. So many family members and people I've never met, most I don't remember or recognise and some I remember but only because I visited Malaysia in 1998 for a few months. It was weird having people know my name and recall stories about my childhood that I could barley remember myself.
"Haaaa. Ya Allah. Ini Asye ke?", they would ask in astonishment (Asye is my family nickname, pronounced as ashee, unique kan XD haha).
"Ye.", I would nod my head politely, giving them as friendly of a smile I could.
"Haaa Ya Rabbi, dah besar daaah!", they would exclaim as some would give me hugs, others patted me as if I were pet, and some would just give me a look, standing there smiling, as if they can't believe I'm in front of their eyes.
"Ingat Pakcik/Makcik/Kakak/Abang tak? Dulu Pakcik/Makcik/Kakak/Abang ......" and they would give a little summary of how they knew me, the times they had with me and my 'perangai' that entertained them way back when.
I would remember some of them after they told me who they were. The memories I had of them were just some of the activities I did with them, but their faces were just a blur in my head and I had to match these new faces to whatever bubbles of thoughts of my childhood I could recall. It was odd indeed and I was shy and felt insecure whenever these incidences would occur. These people looked so pleased to see me, yet I can't feel the same because I can't recognise them.
I felt so 'on the spot' that I didn't know what to do most of the time. They would look at me, like a picture on a wall and as they looked on, a film of the distant past rolled in their heads and they would replay that moment in their minds. They think that I have that roll of film in my head too, but I don't. Sometimes, I can sense that they expected a little something out of me. Maybe to act the way I used to, to say the things I used to or to eat like I used to sampai betul-betul bulat till my parents thought that there was something wrong with me (and yes, that did happen 0.0). And after a while, they assess this new tween/teen me (whichever time they met me in), shy and preserved so they moved on to catch up with my parents talking about politics, family, kids, marriage, friend updates, work and talks of their past time together.
I would shrug of these moments and give myself excuses. I would think, "Hey, I really don't know these people. I mean, I'm grown up now and of course I'm different. You can't expect me to be the same little kid I was. I'm sure they know that.' And so I continued being bothered just about the present (which is the past now obviously).
I indulged myself in school at that time. In form 1 and Form 2, I was the class clown, making sure that a day didn't go by without having a good hearty laugh with my friends. I did acts, played with the long ruler, imitated people, talked in a variety of slang's, teacupped a teacher (haha, kena tawu cerita baru faham), played the grandfather clock game, sang songs, played softball with a ruler and a scrolled up bunch of paper and made jokes that didn't make much sense most of the time but everyone seemed to enjoy them ;D haha. Form 3 onwards, I was getting myself involved in tonnes of school activities; softball, mssd, mssj, prefect stuff, kiwanis club, lots of camps, Puteri Islam, chess club, running 1500m and 800m relay, took part in a country runs as well, lontar peluru, helped in school projects like the 80th school anniversary concert, Prisoner of Zenda play, Farewell concerts, debate and much more.
I was so focused on my school life, that I forget to appreciate the people that helped me to become that teen me.
And one of them was Mak Lus.
Now that I think about, I don't think I would be close to my school friends if I didn't learn the basics of friendship during playtime with the neighbour's kids in Muar. I don't think I dared to try something new or push myself, if I didn't overcome my fear of the stepping stones at Tanjung Emas. I don't think I would love animals (even though some do scare me a little), if I didn't interact with the kitties at the VIP grounds. I don't think I would be so passionate about the environment if I didn't spend most of my childhood playing outdoors. I don't think I would an independent individual if Mak Lus didn't let me pick my own sweets or ordered what I want at such a young age.
I don't think I would be a lot of things, if it wasn't for Mak Lus.
And that's just my nanny. I wouldn't be a lot more things if it wasn't for my parents, brother and sister, my uncles and aunts, cousins and distant relatives, my teachers and friends and even acquaintances.
Every experience that we have with people, teaches us something. May it be just a few moments with any particular person or years of memories with another. May it be joyous occasions, tragic events, fits of laughter or just a small conversation. If we didn't go through what we went through, we wouldn't be where we are today, we wouldn't be who we are today.
A reminder to myself before others:
Life's journey is long. Though it may seem short sometimes, the amount of experiences we go through is breathtaking. We meet a lot of people during our life time. Some just pass us by while others helped to pathe the way forward. Some gave us a hand over a little stream while others helped us conquer mountains. As time passes by, some people stay, some people go. Situations change and people change. We look back on the road we travelled but we can't see a clear path. We've made corners, met junctions and crossed countries to new territories.
Yes, this is life's journey.
But don't forget the people who helped you get through it. Time and distance can wear at relationships. And when you suddenly feel the urge to make contact with them again, things are different and can be awkward.
But if you put a little effort and show you care, the awkwardness fades away. The time and effort would be worth it. The smiles you see are priceless and the joy fills up your soul just like refuelling your car with petrol. Making these people proud, seeing them happy and helping them with what you can, motivates and revives you.
Take a little time to keep in touch. Now that we are older, we can ask the things we didn't know how to ask before. We can talk about things that we never talked before because we were young and didn't understand things. We can help them in ways we couldn't before. We can save a little money for them, we can buy groceries for them, we can make a cup of tea for them, we chat casually with them, we can comfort them or give em a call.
And even if we don't do much, sometimes it's the little things that matter.
Care for those who cared for you. Appreciate them =)
Assalamualaikum...
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